The List
by ForeverHerHero
Summary: HIATUS I AM STUCK! When Emmett hears a story of the world ending on 12-21-12 he realizes he hasn't done any of the things he dreamed of in his near 100 years of existence and he only has 4 months left to do them according to the Mayans! So he makes a list of lifelong dreams (All insane) and you know that Emmett is gonna drag the rest of the gang along. Rated T for language!
1. The List

A/N: Here is my second story, it's gonna be all comedy and it's gonna be called The List.  
Summary: When Emmett hears a story of the world ending on 12-21-12 he realizes he hasn't done any of the things he dreamed of in his near 100 years of existence and he only has a few months left to do them according to the Mayans! So he makes a list of life long dreams (All of which are insane) and you can believe that Emmett is gonna drag the rest of the gang along. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Twilight saga, I own socks but that is completely different and is of no importance.

Emmett's POV.  
September 8th, 2012.  
I scrolled through _Yahoo! _As I did every day in order to get the deets on the latest news happening when I stumbled across a story which read. '_The End of the World Near?' _ I clicked on it and it read.

"_YOLO, a popular phrase as of yet and now more than ever people are sticking to its meaning in an effort to fulfill their dreams as what the Mayan Calendar predicts as the end of the world draws near. _It showed a picture of an old round stone and continued.

"_The Mayan Calendar abruptly stops on December 21__st__ of this year and many believe their lives are unfulfilled. _I stopped reading their and slammed my laptop shut. I ran down stairs and yelled.  
"THE WORLD IS ENDING!"  
"Oh you mean the Mayan Calendar?" Jasper asked.  
"You knew? And you didn't warn us? To the dungeons with you traitor!"  
"Emmett we don't have a dungeon." Rosalie answered.  
"Oh well, tie him up!"  
"Calm down man." Edward interjected. "The world's not gonna end."  
"Yeah and even if it did so what?" Alice shrugged.  
"Yeah, we're all past our expiration dates as is." Jasper said.  
"Not me, I'm eighteen." Bella interrupted.  
"And I am unfulfilled in all of my lifelong dreams." I heard a throat clear. "Besides you Rosie, you're my number one dream."  
"Mhm-hmm, I better be." She threatened. A  
"What dreams do you have?" Alice asked.  
"Alas, I dream of many things." I said dramatically. "I dream of owning a monkey named Pablo and a Penguin named Doug and train them so they can be Pablo and Doug, Ninja Extraordinaires, I dream of going to Wal-Mart and making life a living hell for everyone with a series of pranks, I dream of us battling in town square all dressed as ninjas and last but not least I dream to dance!" I erupted in a ballet twirl to enunciate my point.  
"So all your dreams are stupid." Edward stated.  
"Your face is stupid!" I exclaimed.  
"Is that it?" Bella asked.  
"Not even close." I pulled an old paper out of my wallet and it un-raveled to the floor, topping about five feet in length. "I have carried this paper with me for twenty years, filling it with the dreams I wished to someday fulfill and now the time has come."  
"Where the hell did you get paper that long?" Jasper gawked at it.  
"I made it." I said. "Ahh that's on my list, I searched it, number seven hundred and twelve, make exceedingly long sheet of paper." I crossed it off.  
"How many things are on that page Emmett?" Rosalie asked.  
"I lost count after a thousand." I said. "Let's get started." I read number 1. "Buy Pablo and Doug and train them in the art of ninjitsu."  
"I'm married to an idiot." Rosalie smacked her forehead.  
"And we're all stuck with him." Jasper added.  
"You guys coming?" I asked when no one moved and they all followed me warily.

An hour later we were in Seattle at the exotic pet store and I walked up to the clerk.  
"Sir I would like to buy one monkey and one penguin!"  
"We don't sell those, they're endangered species." The guy behind the counter said.  
"Then let me know where I might acquire myself a monkey and a penguin." I tossed a hundred on the desk. He pulled out a notepad and wrote an address on it.  
"Sale starts in fifteen minutes." He said and I turned to my family.  
"We're doing something illegal aren't we?" Edward asked.  
"Yes we are my friend, to the black market!" I yelled and we ran out of the store.

Ten minutes later we pulled up to a warehouse and walked inside, it was filled with monkeys, penguins, lemurs, lions, zebras and many other exotic animals. We walked up to a man in a suit.  
"See anything you like?" He asked.  
"Yes sir, I would like to purchase a monkey, a penguin, a lion and a lemur."  
"Whoa!" Jasper interjected. "Why a lion and a lemur."  
"I can ride the lion into our ninja battle and I wish to learn while lemurs like to 'move it move it'." I answered.  
"Emmett that's a fucking cartoon, they don't really 'move it move it'!" He exclaimed exasperatedly.  
"Since when are you the judge on what likes to 'move it move it?" I asked and he rolled his eyes. I was about to hand the man 50,000 cash when the door busted down and everyone scattered.  
"FBI!" A man yelled, quite pointless considering he wore a black windbreaker that said F.B.I. on the back in big white letters.  
"You sir are the epitome of redundancy." I told him."  
"Down on the ground!"  
"Good day!" I said.  
"Get dow…"  
"I said good day!" I screamed and bolted around the room, scooping up a monkey, a penguin and a lemur in my jacket before freeing a lion and climbing onto his back. "Ride Fernando! Ride like the wind!" I kicked his side and he took off.

When I arrived home I noticed my Jeep in the driveway, Rosalie must have drove it home when they realized I was riding a lion home. I put Ferdinand in the garage and placed Doug in the walk in freezer before taking Pablo and Todd into the house.  
"Number one complete!" I announced with a smile.  
"Yay, only two thousand more." Bella as Pablo began pulling her hair.  
"Actually now that I count we have two thousand and thirty nine left."  
"End of the world hurry your ass up." Jasper sighed.

A/N: Ch.1 completed! Review! Ideas for new challenges are welcome!


	2. Captain Jack Sparrow!

A/N: Here is Ch.2 of The List! Hope you enjoyed Ch.1 guys and check out my other story Survival! Carlisle and Esme are on a 50th honeymoon in Africa so they may not be in this story.  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga, nor do I own a lemur, which I sad cause I really want someone to 'Move it Move it' with.

Emmett's POV  
"Fernando stop it!" I yelled as he chewed on my tires. "Listen to me! I threw him a deer leg which got his attention off of my sweet rims." I turned back to Pablo and Doug, Todd perched on my shoulder (he has yet to 'Move it Move it'.), as I trained them.  
"Pablo spin kick!" I yelled as he picked his nose and ate it (new fun fact, monkeys do indeed pick their noses.). "Ok I'll come back to you, Doug" I turned to Doug who was waddling around in a circle. "Judo chop!" He flapped a flipper but that was as close as I got, I suddenly remembered a story Jasper's nomad friend Peter told me, when a human began a vampire their intelligence heightened by twice as much so in theory if an animal survived a bite it would become as smart as a human. I smiled and grabbed Todd of my shoulder and bit him, he squealed and fell to the ground twitching, I repeated this on Doug and Pablo before finishing with Fernando, he roared in pain and I went upstairs. "Hey guys I just turned my pets into vampires." I said non chalantly.  
"Even Fernando?" Rosalie asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Yup." I responded.  
"You just turned a lion into a vampire?!" Jasper yelled.  
"So what?" I shrugged.  
"It can kill us now!" Edward yelled.  
"In theory it could heighten its intelligence so that it's smart enough not to kill us." I told them.  
"In theory?" Jasper asked. "Your theories suck!" he said at the moment a now vampire Pablo burst in the door, tossing it off the hinges.  
"Oh great as if Emmett wasn't enough of a vampire monkey now we have a real one oh joy." Edward did sarcastic jazz hands.  
"I don't see what the problem is guys." I said as Doug and Todd came in and watched us intently next to Pablo.  
"Emmett, lions can kill people, vampire lions can kill vampires."  
"Humans fight lions with guns all the time."  
"Vampire lion is bulletproof you dumbass." Jasper said slowly.  
"Oh, I hope my theory works." I said and a growl erupted behind me. I turned and saw Fernando, his eyes blood red. He set his eyes on Jasper and charged.  
"Fuck!" Jasper threw the TV at him but he swiped it away like a fly.  
"Jasper I'm pretty sure if he's bulletproof he's flat screen proof as well." I said as Fernando chased Jasper around the house.  
"Fucking help me!" Jasper screamed and we all leapt into action we chased Fernando for a good five minutes but he finally pounced on Jasper, and when all hope was lost and I began planning Jasper's funeral Fernando licked him and began to purr.  
"Ha!" I screamed. "My theory worked." I was happy to be wrote but also slightly upset because I was gonna write Jasper Hale, beloved, husband friend and Emmett's bitch until his final breath. I chuckled at the thought. "Ok back to training, Todd" I pointed at my shoulder and he climbed back up. "Pablo, Doug go!" I announced and they began doing everything I had told them from the start, Doug judo chopped Pablo and Pablo delivered a roundhouse kick. "I'm so proud." I wiped fake tears from my eyes.  
"Ok now that you have ninja pets now what?" Jasper asked, wiping Lion drool off of himself, I pulled out my list.  
"Number two, dress up like Captain Jack Sparrow, get arrested and reenact the scene where he says "you will remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow."  
"Really?" Alice asked.  
"Yes really." I replied in my best British accent. "To Seattle!" I announced and we were off again, my new pets following in suite behind us.

Once more in Seattle we went to a costume shop where I found an exact replica of Captain Jack Sparrow's outfit and put it on.  
"Now what?" Rosalie asked.  
"Now this." I ran up and tripped a cop.  
"Hey!"  
"Na-na-na boo-boo, you can't' catch me!" I took off at a slow jog which was fast human speed and I heard him behind me.  
"Officer needs assistance on Marina Drive! In pursuit of Captain Jack Sparrow!" He said and I heard his radio crackle and an officer say.  
"Have you been drinking Lee?"  
"No! Just send back up!" He continued to chase me and soon a dozen cops were after me, 2 jumped in front of me but I jumped over them and onto a boat, I grabbed the rope and landed on the roof.  
"Gentleman." I nodded to the cops. "M' lady." I said to the one female officer. "You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow." I cut the rope and swung onto the deck of another boat where my family was waiting. "Home ye scallywags!" I pointed my plastic sword towards the horizon.  
"I'll show you scallywag." Jasper muttered and I whacked him with my sword. "Ow." He said.  
"Do not speak to your captain like that or ye walk the plank right into Davey Jones' locker."  
"Emmett you did the scene you can leave character now." Rosalie told me.  
"Sorry, caught up in the moment." I admitted as I pulled off the costume.

When we arrived home our new pets were in the yard, Doug draining a fish, Pablo with a squirrel, Todd also with a squirrel and Fernando with a deer.  
"Good boys." I patted them on the head to show I was proud of them getting their own food.  
"Ok Emmett." Alice asked me. "What's next?"  
"Guys, we're going to Wal-Mart." I smiled as I read the list. "But first I wanna see if I made the news." I turned the TV on channel 9 and it was playing. _Unknown prankster reenacts Pirates of the Caribbean scene in Seattle today." The anchor said. "Here's Bruce Howler with the story."  
"Well Mitch it unfolded only an hour and a half ago when a kid around eighteen witnesses say ran out of Willie's Whacky Costumes on Marina Drive and knocked over an officer he then taunted the officer by saying quote "na-na-na boo-boo, you can't catch me before leading a dozen cops on a chase that led to the reenactment of said scene. It switched to an officer who was smiling.  
"As an officer it's my job to stand against such things as what unfolded here today but as a person I wanna shake that kids hand, he made my week and this is gonna be a hell of a story to tell my parents at Thanksgiving." _I turned off the TV and everyone was smiling.  
"What?" I asked.  
"This is more fun than we thought it'd be." Edward admitted and everyone agreed. I smiled and simply announced.  
"To Wal-Mart."

A/N: Ch.2 complete! Thank you to my 1st ever follower KayleeRay! WOO! Review!


	3. Cereal Wars & Bull Hockey

A/N: Ch.3 of The List! I need to continue Survival but this story is in my head like bees in a hive. Thank you my first reviewer emma holly cullen!  
Disclaimer: I once tried to steal Twilight but Stephanie Meyer has security ninjas, 'nuff said.

Emmett's POV  
"What's the plan?" Edward asked me as I scoped out the cereal aisle. I was dressed as a leprechaun, Jasper was bunny and Edward was Fred Flinstone.  
"Simple." I said. "We walk into the aisle and act like we are fighting over which of our cereals is the best until Edward hits Jasper with his caveman stick."  
"Club." Edward corrected.  
"Whatever and then Edward and I freak out and drag your body out of the store to a van around back, we then get into normal clothes and walk back in to continue our pranks." We all smiled sadistically.  
"You guys are scaring us." Alice stated. We ignored her and walked into the aisle and spread out.  
"Yo Freddy you talking shit!" I yelled at Edward.  
"Quiet before I beat you back to Dublin you green asshole." He responded  
"Hey boys calm down before I hop your asses to death." Jasper added and we all ran, making shoppers scream as we tussled around the aisle. We "fought" for a moment until Edward whacked Jasper and blood poured from his head (from a busted blood bag under his bunny suit.  
"Shit man!" I exclaimed. "You killed him!"  
"Shut up!" Edward whispered as shoppers stared in disgust. "Help me dispose of him."  
"Hell no Fred." I raised my hands in surrender.  
"Listen here leppy you're in on this too, his bloods on your gold as well as my club." (Nice one) I thought and Edward smiled. I grabbed his left foot and Edward grabbed his right and we dragged him outside "blood" trailing behind him.

We walked back in ten minutes, cops were everywhere and pictures of the blood were being taken.  
"You guys know you just launched a full on murder investigation right?" Rosalie asked us.  
"Awesome!" I sung like an opera singer. "Come on." I grabbed her hand and led them over to toys. "Our next prank is to skate through the aisles singing "We are Family" all of us.  
"How is that a prank."  
"All of us except Bella, who is gonna dress like an old woman and chase after us on a motor scooter yelling get back here you whipper snappers, back in your cages!"  
"I'm game." Bella smiled, happy to be involved. We all strapped on some skates, held hands and began to glide Bella put on a wig and got onto the scooter. She chased after us for a good five minutes, making customers stair and a man drop a jar of mayonnaise which shattered on his foot. I looked up and came face to face with a cop.  
"Hey kids, come with us." He whipped out the handcuffs.  
"Run." I said and we took off skating down the aisles. The cops were chasing us so we split. Edward grabbed Bella and carried her, gliding right out the door. I raced down sporting goods, trying to find a place without a camera so I can speed it out of here. I saw a cop behind me as I went through the body wash aisle I knocked a bottle of pink bubble bath off the shelf onto the ground and stomped on it, it squirted all over him.  
"Pinks your color." I said before I skated away.

At home we all went inside and instantly fell down laughing as hard as we've ever laughed.  
"This is fantastic!" Alice giggled as she petted Fernando.  
"Emmett we should have done this list years ago." Jasper chuckled.  
"What's next?" Edward asked. I read the list.  
"Anyone up for a game of hockey, during the run of the bulls?"  
"Huh?" Bella asked.  
"He means we're going to Spain to run with the bulls." Edward told her  
"Correction Eddy boy, no Spain you see I picked up a newspaper. "In California every year a French man and his family do a bull run for charity, pay fifty dollars apiece and you get to run until you either die or shit your pants."  
"So to California?" Rosalie asked.  
"To California." I repeated.

We decided to let Bella get some food and some sleep so we were gonna pick up on California the next day since that was when the event was occurring. We sat quietly and played Left4Dead while Bella slept in Edward's lap.  
"We now have a vampire lion, monkey, lemur and penguin." Jasper acknowledged. "What kinda questions will this pose from Carlisle and Esme?"  
"Ones I can't wait to hear." I smiled as Fernando laid his head on my lap and Pablo laid on him while Todd curled up beside me and Doug just waddled around.

The next morning at 8 we were on our way to the event which was at noon. We arrived and hid our hockey equipment halfway up the track where the bulls would chase us before we went to the starting line.  
"Ready, set, go!" The guy shot a flare into the sky and we plus around a hundred more people took off, I bolted up the trail at super speed and got the gear before running back to Edward, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie and handing them their gear (Bella decided to sit this one out.) our game ensued and our ball rolled between the feet of the bulls occasionally getting kicked. The other runners stared at us like psychos but we didn't care this was fun I jumped over a bull and landed in front of Rosalie who kissed me. I stole the ball from her and matrixed under another bull I stood up and shot the ball right into Jasper's balls and he fell, instantly getting trampled and we all stopped.  
"Come on." I helped him up. "Let's get home." They all agreed and we headed back home.

At home I crossed off one more thing off the list. Bella came to the stair banister and tossed me a pair of flats.  
"Cross one more thing off." She smiled as she pressed play on a remote and music filled the house. I proceeded to dance ballet like the goofball I was proud to be. Everyone else joined in and we danced the night away.

A/N: Ch.3 is up! Review!


	4. Paintball, Steaks and Ninja Dreams

A/N: Hey guys! Until I'm gonna give Survival a chance to boost up before I update because it has 0 reviews, 5 views and no favorites or follows while this story, The List, has 1 review, 30 views, 0 favorites and 2 followers. So I think my best bet is to stick to The List. Ch.4 has arrived.  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.

Emmett's POV (like always.)  
We all sat in the living room and watched as Edward and Jasper acted out one of my simpler dreams a reenactment of the entire movie of Titanic while embarrassing two of my friends, at first they weren't game but a bet made them have no choice and now.  
"Draw me Jack." Jasper said as he dropped down into his boxers and we all chuckled.  
"Really?" Edward asked me.  
"Do not break character!" I shouted and they continued on with the story. It ended with Jasper using Fernando as a door to "float" on the icy sea (floor.) and Edward laid on the ground.  
"I love you Rose." He let go of Jasper's hand and closed his eyes, his hand thudding to the floor.  
"And scene." I said as I crossed it off my list chuckling.  
"You're getting paid back for that." Jasper threatened as he took off his wig.  
"I hope so, you'd be weird if you didn't want revenge." I answered.  
"What are some other small things we can do around here?" Alice asked and I searched the list I found the perfect thing.  
"Gun war." I smiled and Bella raised her hand.  
"I'll die." She said (hadn't thought of that)  
"Paintball war." I corrected and everyone smiled. We gathered up our guns and stood in formation in the back yard. "The woods is our turf, seven mile perimeter, everyone has different color paint so after the hour whoever has the most hits wins."  
"What do they win?" Bella asked.  
"You win a free meal prepared by yours truly and whoever else wins gets to pick their prize, within reason." I stated. My paint was blue, Rosalie's was red, Jasper's was green, Alice's was pink, Edwards was yellow and Bella's was purple. "GO!" I shouted and we all took off into the woods, giving Bella a 3 minute head start. I snuck behind a tree and looked up; it was about a hundred feet tall. I smiled and jumped up into the top. I looked across the trail and saw Edward in a tree as well. I smiled and raised my gun.  
"Psst!" I hissed and he looked over just in time to be met with a paintball to the face, he fell out of the tree flailing wildly and pulling his trigger, one of his paintballs inadvertently nailed Jasper in the balls.  
"Why is it always my BALLS?!" He bellowed as I laughed. I felt a splatter against my chest and looked down to red paint all over me. I saw Rosalie behind a bush and she blew me a kiss  
"Game on!" I yelled and jumped from the tree.

An hour later Bella had won, she had shot everybody 'cause we all forgot she was competition and somehow she snuck up on us. I had gotten Edward, Jasper and Rose and only Rose and Bella had gotten Me."  
"Bella what shall you wish to dine on this evening?" I asked, putting on a chef's hat and tying an apron around my waist.  
"Surprised me." she smiled and I set to work. "I pan seared a small steak with a small fig and walnut salad on the side with a homemade raspberry wine vinaigrette. I decided to add a zest to it so I deep fried a small bread ball with cheese inside and tossed in onto the side of the dish.  
"Bon appetite." I said as I sat the plate in front of her and she dug in.  
"Oh my holy fuck." She moaned as she bit into the steak. "How?" she asked me and I chuckled.  
"I should have told you a while ago that Emmett has studied gourmet foods at the Culinary Institute of America three times."  
"This is the best thing I've ever eaten Emmett." She complimented me.  
"Thank you." I smiled. "It's good to feel appreciated." I shot a pointed glare at the rest of my family, Jasper raised his hand.  
"It's not like you can cook for us, I mean if you wanna spice up some deer blood more power to ya but anything short of that is just not logical."  
"Well cooking isn't my only talent." I said.  
"What else can you do?" He asked and I answered him by whipping out a samurai sword and breaking the blade over his neck.  
"If you were human your head would be rolling across the floor."  
"Nice to know." He said.  
"Why did you have a samurai sword under the counter?" Rosalie asked me.  
"I have my reasons." I answered. I pulled the list back onto the counter and started searching for something we haven't done, we started the list 4 days ago but he had mostly done little stuff like the Titanic reenactment and cheese sandwich fights and things like that. I only had about 700 things left on the list and most of them were small but I was in the mood for something big, my mind flashed back to when I was explaining my list to my family and I smiled. I bolted out the door and ran into town I ran to the costume store and grabbed 5 of the same costume before I bolted back home where everyone was as I left them.  
"What are all those black things in your hand?" Alice pointed to the costume, I smiled and handed everyone one (except Bella who was to clumsy for our next task) they all came back down the stairs, clad in their black costumes.  
"What the hell is your plan?" Rosalie asked.  
"Ninja wars in town square." I smiled and everybody glanced at each other. (Oh, yeah!)

A/N: Done! Review!


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